Thursday, January 26, 2017

10 Things I Say to My Cat

I have two cats. They're still kittens technically. Pan is six months and Chibi is five. Even though we've only known each other for less than half a year, we've grown very close. I talk to my cats a lot. And they talk back. Well, not usually in words. They speak in actions. I mean, Pan squeaks a lot, and recently, Chibi has started squeaking a tiny bit. He seems to be learning from Pan. Most people are surprised to find that Pan is a black cat and Chibi is Siamese, since, as everyone has knows, Siamese cats talk a lot. Well, Chibi is the exception that proves the rule. He's practically mute. Anyway, this is a list of things I say to Chibi because there is just so much that needs to be said to Chibi as of late. He's going through a phase. It's sort of exhausting, too, seeing how I've misplaced both my voice and my ability to sleep. Also, it is by no means representative of the top ten things I say to him, although a few of these I do say with far more frequency than you might expect.

Now then, in no particular order:

1. Stop climbing the curtain.
2. No you can't have my granola. You have food in your bowl.
3. Hey. Off the counter. Now.
1. Please quit climbing the curtain.
4. Get out of the cupboard.
5. Stop eating that plant.
6. Please get out of the dryer. You're not even wet.
1. Down from the curtain.
7. May I have that sock back? Where's your jingle mouse?
8. No you can't get in the drawer. I'm closing it.
1. OMG get down from that curtain.
9. Is bath water really that delicious?
10. I don't think you want to get in. Please stay on the side of the tub, okay? Please?
1. Would you PLEASE get down from that almighty frickety fracking curtain?!!


I hope you don't feel cheated out of the two minutes it took you to read this and scan the accompanying photos of terrible quality. If you do, well maybe next time you'll use better judgment. I mean read the title for Pete's sake. Ain't no false advertising there. What did you expect? I only wrote this because I was literally (not figuratively) up all night with insomnia and felt I needed a way to focus my thoughts so they didn't spiral out of control and turn me into a sobbing, raging puddle on the floor. And look. I did it. Go me. Still holding it together by a thread. Oh no wait. That's cat fur.



durablemater said...

Love you Steph! <3

Steph G said...

Love you,too! BTW my voice is finally back, and I slept a bunch of hours with only a few interruptions last night. Yay!